This is a tough entry for me to draft. I'd hoped I'd be over this problem and back to a normal life and yet here I am still embroiled, still without solutions, still waiting. I take up the saga following my last blood test May 21.
No doctor appointment is necessary. Dr. Y phoned to tell us the rituximab treatment hadn't worked. My blood count continues to hover above eighty, unchanged from January when this horror show began. He's looking for another drug combo for the pending treatment which begins Friday the 29th. Apparently there are many drugs yet to sample.
In part, this was the good news! I have a week off. No drugs for a whole week. Add that to the final recovery week after the last chemo and it's like a two week armistice.
How do I feel? I have signs that things aren't right. Too much exertion and I'm light-headed as if I've inhaled smoke or gas fumes, but, it's not a nice high when you know its origins. Odd, but the feeling doesn't overcome me when I'm swimming. It's as if being horizontal, in spite of heavy exertion, cancels out the my air head.
Still, I've checked frequently, and find I have none of the typical symptoms of lymphoma (lumps in arms and neck, weight loss, fever, night sweats, itching all over the body, loss of appetite, feeling of weakness, breathlessness along with swelling in the face and neck) No day goes by when I don't monitor my body for any of these. Perhaps they will gang up and pounce. It will make a difference when one appears. It will give my struggle a focus and perhaps the medical profession will make a positive diagnosis.
For a few days, my life has been near normal. We took the 'Barbie Camper' for a 24 hour outing to Weir's beach. No frolicking in the surf but then neither was anyone else my age. We moved the chairs to catch the sun and enjoyed watching other peoples antics. At home I'm doing yoga and working in the garden just as I've always done. I've dropped the gym to avoid picking up bugs, but still manage a couple of visits to the pool for my usual 24 laps. All the horrors of chemo have receded except the numb fingertips. Even my feet are finally warm!
My thoughts often dwell on how I got this disease. Life style has always been a point of pride with me. I've always felt the quality of living is far more important than the length we live. My body has always been very fit. My curious mind comes along for the ride. How then, did I catch this nasty, lymphoma thing? First, I microscope my genes. No answer there. There's no history on either side. Was it something I ate? Maybe! I've dumped back my share of junk over the years. Was it the air I breathe? Maybe! I've drawn in gobs of sawdust dust and fumes from a million things over the years. Was it exposure to something? Maybe! Since this began I've suddenly noticed how every second thing I touch is made of plastic. Could this be the culprit? Is it where we live? Maybe! As you see, it doesn't take much to get the mind running mad with theories, but that's all they are, just theories. Greater minds still have no solutions. It would be wonderful if prevention was something simple, instead, we must live on with ever increasing incidence approaching 25% in some countries.
About a week ago I began drinking Essiac tea. It's been around for many years and reportedly been used successfully to treat many cancers. The name spelled backwards is Caisse, the lady who first began using it about 1920. http://www.healthfreedom.info/Cancer%20Essiac.htm It tastes like something that might scare out buggies. Looks a little like stagnant dishwater and smells faintly of swamp! I'll be checking with Dr. Y to see if it interferes with his chemicals. I've always been skeptical of 'herbal remedies' probably because my whole life I've been conditioned to think modern medicine has a pill for everything. Perhaps my dilemma has brought on an attitude change?
5 comments:
Chemo Savvy,
Interesting to hear your ponderings on the potential source of your lymphoma. While there have been major advances in treatment of cancers the riddle of what causes the growth of these cells remains largely unanswered. Years of research by highly educated physicians and scientists with enormous amounts of money on hand has still not resulted in definitive answers. Perhaps the thinking of a person who is not burdened with indepth medical and scientific education will be the one to make a break through? You may feel like an airhead but your brain is firing on all cylinders. Stranger things have happened. Keep on thinking about the puzzle, meanwhile I am going to be visualizing the success of this next session of chemo. My conversion to complementary treatments is ancient history, as ancient as I am as I learned them from my mother.
Yo, Chemo: Good that you're grabbing onto the fine days and making the best of them. I couldn't drive a boat 20 laps -- are you sure you're sick? Your guy is working on clarifying what is causing the numbers to be off...with lots of options for treatment. Maybe you need an accountant, not an oncologist. If taking some backwards-spelled Chinese herbal tea is working; try some of my West Coast Trail Illich -- it looks and smells the same as Essiac and has been known to raise eye brows.
Hey Cous...you trying to figure out the origins of this monkey is something akin to me trying to figure out what tips my wife over the edge when ???. Don't be offended if it eludes you.
I agree with Bliss...20 laps, day at the beach, Yoga and no jock itch...bring on more tea!
Fresh air can't be a bad thing either!...It
Keep doing the things you love to do, Dave. Sourcing the reason for this nightmare is much to elusive but I understand why you want to know. Where's the Barbie trailer going next?
Hi Dave, I don't know what to say, in that you have always been the person with the great lifestyle, and good health, save the occasional day of bad hair or bad gas...but who's counting? That horizontal need sounds interesting. You might pursue that one. Good that you're out in the camper when it finally seems we're having spring. But seriously, folks, Dr. Y's many more possible approaches sounds good to me. It's lucky you're a tough, old, clean-living character!
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